We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. on Wednesday March 27. I was prepped for surgery and at 7:30 a.m. we began the caesarean section. My doctors were awesome and the surgery went perfectly. The moment they lifted up our baby to show him to us and I saw all his dark hair I burst into tears. After two redheads it was honestly a surprise to see a baby of ours with my hair color.
As I lay there waiting to be stitched up I noticed that our baby was not in the room with us. I tried not to worry but I really wanted to know where he was. I hadn't even had a chance to touch him yet.
After surgery I was moved to recovery. I have a hard time coming out of anesthesia and because of my spinal, I could not use my legs. Jeremy told me that our baby had been put in the NICU because of fluid in his lungs and stomach. I was afraid and sad that I still hadn't been able to touch him. Jeremy told me that he had decided to name our boy Thomas. I tried to relax and let my body come out of anesthesia but I was so worried about Thomas and felt like such a failure for not being healthy enough myself to get out of bed and hold my baby.
My mom came and was able to see Thomas. It was comforting to have her with him and know that Thomas was not alone while I was trying to get my strength back. I cried a lot that first day in the hospital.
Finally by evening I was strong enough to get out of bed and see our baby. It was so hard to see him hooked up to so many machines. I wanted to wrap him in my arms but I was also afraid to touch him.
When he was finally placed in my arms I felt an immense wave of relief. I didn't want to put him down but I also didn't have a lot of strength so I was afraid I might drop him. After talking to the nurses in the NICU, I realized that Thomas was not in immediate danger and that he just needed to get a little stronger with his breathing. The pediatrician and NICU nurses were confident Thomas would be able to go home once I was able to go home.
Although the day did not go as planned, we were still so happy to have our baby finally with us. Being able to hold him was just the jolt I needed to start getting stronger. I was able to walk myself to the NICU three times that night to nurse him. It looked like things would be brighter in the morning.
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