Top of Utah Half Marathon

I ran my first half marathon!  Actually, my knee got so inflamed after six miles I could hardly walk and finished the race hobbling across the finish line 45 minutes later than I had planned to finish.  It was a discouraging race experience.  But I finished, and that's more than a lot of people ever do.  I'm still not sure if I'll try another half marathon, but I'm glad I finished the course and pushed myself to try something hard. 

Here I am before the race....nervous out of my mind.  Seriously.....I was crazy with anxiety for days leading up to the race.  I was up before 5:00 a.m. to board the buses that took us to the starting line.  It was a cold, wet morning.  I felt so alone waiting at the starting line.  It was a relief to finally hear the starting gun and get moving.  The first four miles felt great.  I was keeping a good pace and enjoying the course.  But close to six miles my knee started having shooting pains with every stride.  When I slowed to a walk it felt much better.  I started walking, hoping it would go away, and decided to stop for a potty break.  The potty line was a 15 minute wait and the next potty was three miles away.  So I just waited.  While I stood there, my leg stiffened up and was painful.  I was happy to finally get moving again and tried to run.  The sharp shooting pain came back.  I started walking and started feeling sorry for myself.

Here's my cheering section.  I was ready to give up around mile 8, but I knew they were waiting for me and it kept me going to the end.  I wanted my children to see me finish what I had started - what they had seen me train for over the past four months.  The aid and medic cars kept asking me if I wanted to quit and ride to the finish.  I must have looked pathetic hobbling along through miles 9...10...11...12......  I'm not going to lie.  I felt pathetic.  I felt angry.  I felt embarrassed.  During all my training, I had a vision in my mind of crossing the finish line victoriously.  I dreamed about running across the finish into Jeremy's arms knowing I had given my all to the race. 

Lily and Annie were so excited to see me approach the finish and complete the race with me.  Lily loved hearing the cheers from the crowd as we approached the finish line.  I was just trying to hide my disappointment and pain and put on a smile for her.  Once again, this was not how it was supposed to be.

I was so upset that my body did allow me to perform the way I had trained it to.  I had been excited to prove to myself and others that I could run this race.  Having to walk it - and walk it very slowly - was so discouraging.  I felt like a failure when I crossed the line.  All that training for nothing because of a sore knee.

 We made it to a restaurant for lunch.  And then we had to go back home.  I was so exhausted.  I slept almost the entire two hour drive home.  When we got back, a few neighbors stopped by to ask how it went.  One of Lily's friends saw my medal and asked me if I won the race.  I really didn't feel up to talking about it.  Lily piped up and said "My mommy did the best she could and went really far today.  Do you know how far 13 miles is?  It's really far.  She finished her race and that makes her a winner!"  I wanted to cry.  The race did not go at all how I had planned, but I did finish it and in the eyes of my little girl I was a winner.

So here's me in my race shirt and medal.  I didn't win the race.  I didn't run the entire course.  But I finished it.  And if my kids learn to finish what they start from my example, I will be a proud mom!